new lessons

In my large effort these days not to judge, I have had several moments of strange clarity and lessons. I guess I don't really know what to call it. The other day, I finally had my moment.
It was a Sunday morning and I had a killer headache, no meds. Buzzed over to walgreens where I saw a man, pretty dirty/rough looking sitting on a bench. While everyone else walked by (not judging) I noticed he was kind of wobbling, possibly drunk. My initial reaction was whoa, that dudes totally wasted, on a Sunday morning yikes.

So I walked into the store and while I was in there picking out my pain killers and water to wash them down with immediately, I thought to myself, "who am I to shake my finger at that man for what he is" I am bringing him some water because he looks like he needs some bad. The doubt and questing comes flooding in "what if he's offended, what if he's slaps it out of my hand and starts swearing at me" etc. etc....Why not trying to judge am I judging? ugh. So I head outside and he's still there. I slowly approach ready to hand the bottle and walk away when he suddenly stands up and walks off (or rather, stumbles off) which totally burst my courage bubble and I swiftly got back in my car. I don't really know where I am going with this story. I am not telling it to try and make myself feel better for a deed I didn't even get to do. Who knows what the outcome would've been. I guess I just want that dude to know that someone did notice him and didn't shake their head at him, and didn't feel sorry for him, in fact, if Landon was there, he probably would've walked right up to him and called him a "ductor"

chaos level 99%`

So Shaun and I started measuring our household chaos level. It's a fun little game. For instance, one baby crying, one baby eating, one toddler choosing to poop on potty at that exact moment, I'd shout out 67%..... Both babies crying, toddler whining, Shaun moving in furniture, neighbor's dog running into house, toddler escaping outside, dinner sitting at the table from 2hours ago =100% Doesn't really dip below 50% until after 8.

I've also been watching my poor little guy suffering from allergies these past few weeks. It kills me. I just wish I could take his eyes out, soak them in benedryl, and stick em back in. The poor guy has 2 inhalers, meds, and even a sedative for his flair ups and eczema hot spots. As most of you are familiar with Landon, the sedative brings him down to a 'normal' activity level. whatever normal means.

I love his sense of the world right now. We drove by Wendy's the other day and there was a man outside sweeping the sidewalk with his hat and apron on to which Landon screams out "ductor, ductor" or in adult speak, train conductor. "Wow dude", I said, "looks like he lost his train," lets go help him find it!" In this moment of trying to play along with him, I realized what an amazing lesson I was learning from my 2 year old.

A year ago today I was in a dark room having an ultrasound done to detect what the heck was 'wrong' with this pregnancy. There were a few moments (while withering on the bathroom floor) when thoughts flashed in that deep dark place in my mind "what if I'm having twins"?! no, no way, projectile in the toilet and re-curl into fetal position on the floor shaking. poor Shaun. Little did I know, there would be several times in the next 9 months that I would see that exact look on his face when he saw me lying there on the floor. A mix of panic/fear/helpless-ness. I am sure you can picture it.

The second the technician placed that wand thingy on my stomach, I knew. The two black circles with blinking white dots in the middle appeared instantly and as the tech explained "this is your baby's heart and this is your other's baby's heart. auhh, whoa whoa whoa. So casually as if we knew?! Holy Sh** was the only thing that I could think to say. So eloquent, I know. "You weren't on fertility?" auhh no, (which I find out later is a totally acceptable question to ask a complete stranger?!?) "Let me go find the doctor"

If my brain made audible sounds it would of sounded something like this when the doctor came in to talk to us "beda-blabodahpoo" Come to find out, nine months later, that is exactly what my brain sounds like when two babies and a toddler are crying. I have just now started to dissect the past year of our life and what has occurred. Nothing can ever prepare you for twins. NOTHING.(I think this may be a repeated phrase in this blog) Now that I am on the other side I am rather speechless. I try to think about what I would tell another mother expecting twins. Would I go with the usual "they're so much fun" it's a double blessing or for the more raw "I cried for 25 days straight, no sobbed, and thought I was going insane from lack of sleep".

Blissful joy. It's so hard to wrap my brain around all this. I actually don't think we are meant to because our brains might explode.

Tegan and "other Tegan"

I just realized I have written very little about the girls. I have no idea why that is. It's probably because anything I say about them will sound cheesy. For example: They are so stinkin cute it's not even funny. I just want to squish their chubby legs constantly. The girls have changed our lives in way's I am just now beginning to understand and work out. NOTHING can prepare you for twins. It's been a fascinating ride, that's for sure.

Tegan is such a little fire. I predict she is going to be my child full of sass and I will be breaking up squabbles between her and landon on a daily bases. She came into this world butt first and she's gonna let everyone know about it.

Harper is my old soul. There is something about her eyes. It's almost as if you can hear her thinking. She's constantly observing. I can see her as the sister Landon and Tegan both confide in. She is totally wise beyond her years. I have high hopes for this one being my child that won't stick things in the outlets and flush items down the toilet that the plumber has to remove.

side note, I am off to get ready for a momma's night out with a dear friend. NO KIDS. Can you imagine the conversation possibilities.

FYI while I thought my child was napping "surprisingly good" in his aunt Megan's bed, he was really up there playing with green oil paint and eating gum.

While we're on the subject of good parenting, did I mention that I allow and encourage my children to play with fireworks. Does sarcasm translate through blog writing??!?

"The boy" and other parenting delights

Landon loves trains. Loves them. He enters an almost trance like state when playing with them. I totally encourage this love because it's something he enjoys doing that does not involve some form of mischief i.e. *cooking in the kitchen. This leads me to "the boy". He came from Grampy's polar express train that comes out for Christmas. Last time we saw the boy he was sitting in landon's mash potato's on Christmas eve. For about 4 months solid there was constant talk of "where's boy" "grampy mimi find boy?" and so on.

Cue delivery of new furniture and removal of old and the boy was discovered lodged in between a cushion. The boy has somehow made it over to our house, oh and did I mention how small the boy is. The other morning Landon came up the stairs in his usual good morning, followed by "where's boy?" We don't let Landon bring "the boy" to sleep with him because of his for mentioned size. It would be tragic if the boy was ever lost and I don't have the time to search for him every morning. The point of this story, mm not really sure what it is. I'm just personally amused by the boy. It's like my own personal inside joke. It just makes me chuckle.

* and when I refer to cooking, yeah. Just when I thought I'm one step ahead of him. Long story short. I was taking a shower under the presumption landon was downstairs with Shaun. (Note to self, always confirm he is indeed under the watchful eye of daddy when showering) Upon hearing a large amount of commotion, I quickly ended my shower when, I found the following....a trail of espresso beans (from a brand new bag) leading to the counter, where 2 martini glasses stood full of beans (one was broken on the floor) and a greasy substance which I quickly discovered was olive oil imported from greece (a brand new bottle as well, now completely empty). Not only was it in the glasses but was all over the counter, in the coffee grinder *heartattack* and the espresso machine. I kind of blinked in disbelief, and as the reality hit me of what I was gazing upon, Landon appeared (upon which I eyed him for any injuries from the COFFEE GRINDER) and asked him what the heck he was doing. To which he replied "cooking," turned and walked off. (I just realized how bad this story makes me look as a mother, I promise you, this child's curiosity and drive to do things has me constantly on my toes. When things like the above happen, I am almost unfazed by it now. It's just a normal, daily occurrence in our house and the speed at which he can accomplish his mischief is record breaking, especially when I am distracted with babies.)

I have to constantly look at photo's of my children to remind myself 3 valuable things that I blink with disbelief on a daily bases.


#1 I grew 2 babies in me.



#2 Yes, you really can love more then one thing that much



#3 I have kept 3 children under 3 alive for 5 months and counting (fingers crossed for at least another month..) just kidding everyone, I am slowly getting a grasp on parenting multiple children


All these things make it worth having to look at this on a daily bases

(look at poor little owen) Don't be fooled by him alone in that photo. This happened purely at the hands of my little man, he just got caught in the aftermath