A year ago today I was in a dark room having an ultrasound done to detect what the heck was 'wrong' with this pregnancy. There were a few moments (while withering on the bathroom floor) when thoughts flashed in that deep dark place in my mind "what if I'm having twins"?! no, no way, projectile in the toilet and re-curl into fetal position on the floor shaking. poor Shaun. Little did I know, there would be several times in the next 9 months that I would see that exact look on his face when he saw me lying there on the floor. A mix of panic/fear/helpless-ness. I am sure you can picture it.

The second the technician placed that wand thingy on my stomach, I knew. The two black circles with blinking white dots in the middle appeared instantly and as the tech explained "this is your baby's heart and this is your other's baby's heart. auhh, whoa whoa whoa. So casually as if we knew?! Holy Sh** was the only thing that I could think to say. So eloquent, I know. "You weren't on fertility?" auhh no, (which I find out later is a totally acceptable question to ask a complete stranger?!?) "Let me go find the doctor"

If my brain made audible sounds it would of sounded something like this when the doctor came in to talk to us "beda-blabodahpoo" Come to find out, nine months later, that is exactly what my brain sounds like when two babies and a toddler are crying. I have just now started to dissect the past year of our life and what has occurred. Nothing can ever prepare you for twins. NOTHING.(I think this may be a repeated phrase in this blog) Now that I am on the other side I am rather speechless. I try to think about what I would tell another mother expecting twins. Would I go with the usual "they're so much fun" it's a double blessing or for the more raw "I cried for 25 days straight, no sobbed, and thought I was going insane from lack of sleep".

Blissful joy. It's so hard to wrap my brain around all this. I actually don't think we are meant to because our brains might explode.